im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
