I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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