just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
