wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
