I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
