PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
