dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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