Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
