She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
