Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize