i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
