I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
