and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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