I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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