I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
