I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize