well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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