Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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