So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
did i walk over a car last night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
