I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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