You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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