Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
