Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
