She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can text with my tongue
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
