she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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