he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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