Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's rum buckets o'clock
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
