You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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