I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
