My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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