My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
