no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
