I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
