Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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