so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
