careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
