I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
