mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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