Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
