I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
