she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
