Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize