I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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