I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need moral support for this bender
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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