Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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