new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize