I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
