i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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