i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
