I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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