You're so nebulous sometimes
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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