I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize