And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
