I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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