"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
