She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
