I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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