So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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