i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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