i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
