It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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