tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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