So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
