I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
