you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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