My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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