My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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