Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
