She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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