I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
