I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
