So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize