shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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