I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
