Will you blow on my dice?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize