why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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