i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
