Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
