Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
