I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
