Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
