when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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