But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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