but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize