I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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