He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
