Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
