apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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