He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
