literally had 100 drinks last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
