i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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