We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you win again, gameday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
