I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
