im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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