Since when is my name a synonym for head?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
