it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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