people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
