I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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