Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
