It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
